Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
