I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
