You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
