At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
