There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
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Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
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I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize