a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We left the knife in your bed.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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