I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
