So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
