that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
