tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I can text with my tongue
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
