can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
