Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
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Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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