I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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