she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
