I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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