Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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