Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
