I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize