Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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