Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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