margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
