I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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