so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
