I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
