Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
