shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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