I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
