sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
