so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
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My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
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I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"