Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
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Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"