Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.