the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.