Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
