so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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