John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize