i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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