Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
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You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
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Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
you never un-have a 4some
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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