hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
