A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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