Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
