you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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