guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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