Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
