The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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