I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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