Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
