The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
