Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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