haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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