Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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