hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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