at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
