Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Randomize
