she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
