He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
