I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
