I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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