Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Pants are for mortals
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
