The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
