OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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