Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
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i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
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Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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