his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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